..that I'd be missed, that is!
Thanks, Traci...for the kick in the pants to post something.
The reason I am able, though, is because I am home sick today with this upper-respiratory crud that seems to be infecting pretty much everyone in the Midwest lately. Oh well...that is why we have sick days, my friend.
Life has gotten back to normal (whatever that means) since the death of my father-in-law. As I said before, the whole experience brought so much in to focus. I tend to walk through my life "sweating the small stuff." Little things, seemingly inconsequential, tend to irritate me. That goes for things my kids do, my husband does, and my mother does. Lucky for me, I have been able to step back and take a good long look at my life and what is in it. I had a "date" with my dad the other night. We sat at Old Boys Brewhouse, had a couple drinks, and shared a nice long (overdue) talk. What I have come to realize in recent years is that I am more like my dad than my mother in a lot of ways. Not that I don't admire and love my mother, but many of you reading this know that our relationship has had its moments to say the least. I do not blame my mother for anything going on in my life, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that she has contributed much...positively and negatively.
My dad and I discussed many issues. My weight being one of them. I talk a great talk. I know what I need to do to be healthier. Hey, I'm a smart woman....I'm no idiot...I eat too much and don't exercise enough. I know what I should eat and shouldn't. Why don't I just do it? That is what my dad wanted to know. The funny thing is, I can't answer that question. It isn't a matter of wanting to be fat, because of course I don't. I just can't figure out why I don't do the right things. What is intersting to me, is the fact that when other people (read: my mom) aren't pressuring me about my weight, I tend to do very well. As soon as someone bothers me or pressures me, it is as if I feel the need to back off. Why the hell is that??? I wish I knew. And if one of you DOES know, please fill me in. The best explanation my dad and I could come up with is that my mom tries (very hard) to control my life (and others). When she "steps in" and tries to "help" I feel the need to exert my own control in the opposite direction she is attempting to lead me. That makes sense. But I hate that explanation because it gives to much credit or responsibility to my mom. And let's face it...it is up to me and only me to make the right choices in my life.
What I need to do now, is take control and do what is best for me.
Seeks has spoken.
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About Me
- Seeks
- You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you will join us and the world will live as one.
3 comments:
i know you don't know me, but i came by your blog way of Jess way of Amy way of Traci. i have been overweight my entire life, which is by the way more than 40 years. and just last spring i joined weight watchers. i joined for me, and i didn't tell anyone. i just did it, never attend a meeting, just track online. and it works great for me. i've lost almost 40 pounds. remember, do it for you - and know that you are already beautiful.
Wow. I could have written that very same blog Kelly. You write very well and I can feel your emotion in your words. I asked for my Mom's help and two days later I wanted to choke the life out her. I think parents tend to live through their children and try to force us to correct the mistakes they never could. It is too much pressure. If you decide you want to go back, I am with you. And I will tell NO ONE! I think looking for a friend is better than a parent. They don't know shit. None of do!
By the way, I love Lori and we have to meet her!
Hi Kenny! First off, I love you sooooo much. I've loved you since 1976, I loved you when you were thin & I've loved when you were not thin. As a matter of fact, I've loved you when I was thin & when I wasn't!
For a long time, I've felt that your mom's need to control the things around her had a lot to do with your weight. We all love Peg (especially in her red Christmas slacks), but having her so involved in your life is now & always has been a mixed blessing. You both have an urge to keep things in control & that's not an easy personality mix.
You will do this when you are ready. You know what works, you just have to be ready to do it & commit to it. You can't do it for anyone but you.
You're a wonderful person, a great mother, an incredible teacher, a tremendous support to your family, a generous friend, and a damned good time to be around. I appreciate having you in my life.
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